Special Needs Parenting

It's hard to talk real sometimes...everything on social media is so perfect, planned out, organized and airbrushed.  My life just isn't like that, not at all.  I don't want it to be, but I do want to be happy and content.  I do want to live my best life the way that gives me joy.  So, even though my life looks messy on the outside, on the inside there are a ton of moments that bring me much joy and contentment.  But, as a special needs family I will say there are also those other moments when I wish I could live behind some of those well planned out airbrushed squares.  I look at those little pics or read those posts and think....if only my kids would do that, I wish our family could be like this.  Or wait for it.....I wish I was as happy as that Mom is!!! 


HAHAHAHA I know in my heart of hearts that this Mama is struggling just like the rest of us, but I can't help but think she makes it look so much cooler then what I do.  And to top it all off my dealt hand gets worse.  I want to do all those things for my kiddos.  Actually back in the day.... before Instagram and Pinterest I was that Mom who had all the magazine articles clipped out and arranged in categories for holidays and birthday parties.  I had craft piles of inspiration and cake ideas galore.  I had lists of fun lunch ideas and ways to express love to the kiddos by coming up with random traditions and holidays for just about anything.  I was crazy Mom and loved it and my 2 oldest kiddos LOVED it.  I Loved that they Loved it....we were happy, I had my role all laid out in front of me.  Nurture, Love, Create Memories, Teach, Hold, Hug, Encourage, Feed....fast forward to when we became a special needs family that all changed. 

I mean the roles are very similar, but most of them get accomplished in a total different way then before.  For instance Hold or Hug, my two oldest would greet me in the morning with a hug.  When we left each other or if one of them was sick, it was a hug or comfort they longed for and I knew how to provide that.  Kaden is the opposite, a few weeks ago he had a cold that lasted about a week or so.  The first 3 days he just screamed, banging his head and honestly it was all hands on deck to keep him safe and resting.  Do I blame him?  Absolutely not, it's not his fault and when time passes he apologizes for most of what he even can remember. 

The reason why I'm writing this is because now he is 10, almost 11 and it still takes reminding that it is what it is.  Kaden will never fit into anyone's picture squares as beautifully as he does mine.  That said though....this means I have to let go of expectations, let go of past parenting glory days that are not going to resurface and magically work with him.  This is a struggle I have as I walk through the rooms of my house lonely because I feel unneeded and it sometimes seems like I just wait for the next meltdown so I can spring into action.

What I have done is basically parent Kaden where he's at, not where his siblings were at his age.  And I have found interests that give me happiness.  Along with routines that fill my spiritual cup to the brim.  Practicing self care and self love is so important with any parental role, but definitely if you have a special needs family member.  I plan on sharing more about what I do daily and to show my true struggles with being a special needs Mom.  I'm a work in progress, but it's worth all the work!